It's funny how after 7 years of built up excitement, the family trip ended up feeling more of a dream. I spent three weeks and some days in the Philippines, reuniting with some number of family members from both sides. Meaning, those three weeks and some days were divided into two provinces and a suburb near Manila. All in all those three weeks still could not make up for the lost time between me and those people, especially my friends.

Unfortunately, the time we chose to visit wasn't the best one. It's rainy season over there plus our cousins and friends are all in school. Still, I'm grateful for being able to meet with one of the people I consider a close friend, Erika. It was obvious how time had put some damper into our friendship, but we were still able to joke around like old times. And talk about our old classmates. Interesting how we remember so much from elementary school, especially the old crushes and such. Sadly I wasn't able to meet up with everyone I wanted to see. Carlo, for instance, stayed at his dorm, and besides that we couldn't even drop by his parents house because there was a heavy down pour the day we visited our old house in the same subdivision. I've almost always disliked sending text messages, because why text when you can hear their voice, right? But no, over there sending text messages is so common that you could see that almost everyone had a cellphone. I've heard stories of people who have almost no money, yet still choose to make sure they've bought their daily dose of 'load' for texting purposes. Pssh.

I enjoyed my stay. End of story, I'd like to say. But saying good bye never seemed so painful. The day we were supposed to come back, I was able to contact an old classmate. I couldn't even say that he was my friend before since we didn't even really talk to each other much. At least, from what I recall. I don't like dwelling in that part of my past so much because it makes me feel so much regret in having to leave the people I've known almost my entire life. Anyway, and so I did what anyone who lives there would do, I exchanged several text messages before he asked to call, which of course I had to ask permission for since we were living with my aunt. If you only knew the entirety of the situation...That call...the voice I've longed to hear because, well, who knows. But it was such a joyful conversation, mostly reminiscing about the past, talking about old classmates and what happened to them, and other things. At first I thought it'd be such an awkward conversation because we didn't know each other well, besides our first and last names, age, and the fact that we went to the same private elementary school, we really didn't have much to talk about.

Anyway, long story short, friends to best friends. But how can things end at just that? Especially after the blunt confession on his part, and several implications. Yet, that's how it was, from around 9:30pm to 1:30am on Monday, perhaps the longest conversation I ever had on the phone. Such a horrible way of saying good bye, and not even meeting eye to eye, because I chose not to. Maybe I was afraid of seeing him and not knowing what to do there after. So, we end our situation as friends. Saying goodbye was never easy to begin with, but if one has a reason not to or something is holding them back then the task is even more painful. Perhaps even more painful than hearing him say how he serenaded his ex. (Funny how we had our first relationships at the same age) Agh! I've never liked thinking about such things, it just confuses me. Especially now, what else is there to think about? We've both agreed, just friends. Besides, when are we supposed to meet, next year on our next vacation? Funny, even if he did say he'll wait.

Blah. Other than that the vacation was great. My sister is right in thinking that it feels just like a dream. From the moment we stepped on the plane, and landed in Manila, to the plane ride towards Laoag City and the day late birthday celebration with many relatives (some I didn't meet), to the plane ride towards Legaspi City and back to back trips to the ruins of Mt. Mayon, the several mall trips, and the countless times we had to ride a Jeep or a Tricycle. All that seemed but a blur in the past. Including the many conversations we've had with all the people we haven't seen in such a long time. All those seem like something I dreamed of. Then again, the pictures say otherwise.

The whole trip was more than just a physical one. Emotionally, I've never felt happier when I spent my first birthday in the Philippines in seven years, I've never felt as excited to my relatives, I've never felt as scared to commute on a country where it didn't matter how many lanes are drawn so long as the driver could fit the vehicle and make a three lane into four or five, and I've never felt as sad or depressed to know that such a great distance will always be between me and those people. But what else can I do? I'm much too paranoid to live there again since so much has changed. Even if my relatives keep on telling me it's way cheaper to study there and even if my friends reassure me that they'd help me settle there again, it just won't be the same.

So much has changed. Change is inevitable after all.

I'm alive and uh, well, I suppose. Life has been the norm. You know, ups and downs. Great though, except for two things that stand out. One, dealing with an old friend back in the Philippines, and another dealing with family. But it's all good I suppose. Everyone has their situations to deal with and I am confident that mine is being handled pretty good. Yeah, lots of inspiration lately.

Enough about that, college life has been ... well different. Nothing new really, besides meeting a few people as well as seing old classmates. Classes has been moved to, I believe, the top of my priority list. I have never felt as much pressure, from myself, to make sure those grades are where they should be.